Original post date: 2/21/06 mistakenly deleted: Matters of the Heart

Matters of the Heart


Why is it that we can know and comprehend everything about a situation and still choose, against our better judgment, to disregard that knowledge and base our decision on the desires of our hearts rather than the logic and reason of our minds? We can choose to look blindly into impossibility and see only hope. We can choose ignorance over enlightenment. Of course we can choose, we have free will, but the astonishing factor is that we do choose to hope, against all measures of impossibility. So my question is: is it foolishness? Is it possible that the heart knows more that the head?

To answer that question, I find I need to take a closer look at its variables. King Solomon was a logical and rational man, but I have always believed him to be led by his heart as well.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding" (Prov.9:10) "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Prov. 16:1) "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Prov. 16:9) "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction." (Prov. 16:23) "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you." (Prov. 2:10-11) "Hope deffered makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12) "A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered." (Prov. 17:27) "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." (Prov. 20:5)

Well, from this, it seems to me that the head and heart go hand and hand. I skimmed the entire book of Proverbs and this is what I came up with. But it still isn't clear to me. I believe in the power of emotion and its ability to cloud our judgement. I also believe in the clarity of thought that deep emotion brings. Yes, it is possible to feel irrationally about something, but when the matters of your heart are the result of thoughtful searching, then maybe it is possible to follow your heart even when it doesn't quite make sense.

But I guess I should also try to find out what "foolishness" really is. Is it the disregarding of your own safety? Well, add on "for a greater cause" and you find courage. Rahab threw caution to the wind when she hid the men of Israel in her apartment, knowing full well what the consequences would be if she failed. She had no real rational reason to do what she did. This was before the promises of God applied to both Jew and Gentile, sinner and saint. She certainly was no saint, and had nothng to hope for personally by committing treason. But she did. And it was good. Esther knew she could be killed for approaching the king, but she did it anyway because she felt God's calling to do it. So, is it foolish to hope beyond possibility? The Hebrew slaves of the Egyptians did, and God granted them freedom. The oppressed people of the world choose to hope for a day when justice will reign. We, as Christians, place our hope and faith in God and his son Jesus that he will return again for us one day. Is it logical and rational? No. Not always. That is why we call it faith. That is why we ask Jesus to dwell in our hearts and to transform our minds, because they are inextricably woven together in the fabric of our beings. So I believe that the heart and the mind go hand in hand. And that there are occasions where we see the world and know God more clearly with one over the other. I don't believe that I am wrong. I hope I don't make mistakes in following my heart. But I did find these words from Solomon to help me: "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Prov. 27:5-6)

And this is the kind of woman I am: "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her lifeShe opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needyShe is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongueCharm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Selections from Proverbs 31)

musings...

once again i find that i am bothered for no apparent reason. i believe 'brooding' is the correct term.

we've been studying Jonah in church and something about it upset me tonight. well, in general i can say that i have had a difficult time paying attention lately, i'm easily distracted by anything and everything. every now and again i'll realize i wasn't paying attention and then i wonder 'what on earth did i miss?' and what the heck am i thinking about while being distracted? anyway - beside the point right? so back to the lesson. here's the skinny:

jonah represents the church. when called by God to bring his light to a metropolitan area full of sinners, he becomes upset at the prospect of the people actually repenting and God showing mercy upon them instead of giving them what they deserve. so what does he do? he turns and runs in the opposite direction, to the farthest known point on the map from where God is calling him. one of the points the pastor is making is that the church runs and hides from where it is truly needed. we leave people to their own defenses. (ouch)

so jonah gets on the boat, goes below deck and falls asleep. meanwhile a storm ensues. the people on the boat use every possible means known to them to escape the storm, but to no avail. point: when we disobey, the world suffers for it. point: the world is seeking a solution to its own demise, but cannot find that solution on its own.

so the men on the boat ask jonah for help. and he tells them, 'yes, it is because of me. i serve the God of the universe and i am running from him and the only way to stop this storm is to throw me overboard.' and yet he is unwilling to do this. if he really feared the Lord, then he should have taken that step himself, but instead he tells them that they will have to do it, and they do the one thing he cannot do: they have compassion on him and seek another way out...which of course fails. eventually, after crying out to God they throw him overboard and the storm subsides and they decide to honor this God they have just met.

so jonah is like us. running away. unable to have compassion. caught up in our own lives. ignoring the chaos around us. seeking solace in church instead of being the church to those who are really in need. (ouch) withholding talents, time, and resources from people who are truly lost.

so what do we do about it? we go into the world as we are commanded and begin meeting people where they are, loving them, having compassion on them, and bringing them news of a savior.

so whats my problem? man, i don't know. it is easy for me to want to do everything and yet do nothing. confused as to where i should spend my time, i remain idle. why does this bother me so much when i have taken such huge steps (in my mind) to fulfill that calling? maybe its because i'm not there yet, and i still feel idle. maybe its because i feel selfish. there are things i don't want to give up. i think its impossible to stretch myself so far and there is no way i am smart enough, strong enough, wise enough, or kind enough to actually carry out what it is i am called to do. and why can't i really realize that of course that is all true, but it should not deter me because it is Christ within me who will give me what i need to do His will.

I think it was Aldous Huxley who once said "there is all the difference in the world between believing academically, with the intellect, and believing personally, intimately, with the whole living self." this is where i get hung up. how do i cross that line from head to heart?

a song we sang had the line "ruin my life, the plans I have made. ruin desires for my own selfish gain. destroy the idols that have taken Your place 'till its You alone i live for, You alone i live for." man i want this to be true for me. and yet it is still so hard.

sick day

i stayed home sick today - something i havent done in a while. boy did i need it. work/life has been so stressful lately, and i needed an extra day of sleep, which is pretty much all that i did. God is so good to me. I have a tendency to screw things up, but he always rights them again. when i feel overwhelmed, all i have to do is hand everything over to Him and i know He will make it all better. the problem is that i dont always remember to do this. i need more structure and organization in my life, so i can enjoy life more. i need to spend time in the word and in prayer, this is the foundation of everything. i need to be able to work out, for my health. i need to have time to write, to allow for my own creative expression and to boost my self-image. i need to have time to read, because this is what relaxes me the most and this is how i learn. i also need to have time to grade, so it doesnt pile up on me at the end of the grading period. im going to pray that God will make this all possible. i know He can. but, even in the midst of chaos, i need to learn to fully trust and rely upon Him, without waiting for this perfect schedule/lifestyle to materialize. We tend to grow so conditionally...and i dont want that. i also want to be a better friend. i need to be more compassionate. i would like to be granted more wisdom. i would like the gift of discernment. i need to go back to the heart of worship...to be genuine, not fake...no pretenses...i think its time i took some initiative