Ok...I just used that word because it was my word of the day from Doctor Dictionary. Good times. Word was alright I guess. I let the kids spend the class working on their projects. I think Im developing a tension headache - been battling it all day. I think I might go and lay down. I have to finish reading the essays from my seniors tonight so that I can give them back to them tomorrow and they can have something to work on. The Romantic period poetry stuff is totally killing them (and me!). Its interesting and all - but they dont get it and I am tired of having them answer questions about it. BORING! Grading totally sucks! BLAH! Its funny though, all the teachers are feeling this way right now. TOTAL APATHY! And to think we still have 4 months to go! AGH! Well, I bought my tickets for Prague, well I booked them anyway. I need to print off the payment form and fax it in. I think I will go do that now.
You know, all day long I have these deep thoughts and then I come home and the slate is wiped clean. Too bad I guess. One of these days I will write something ingenius and become uber-famous! That would be lovely!
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
A Series of Unfortunate Events
It all began with the purchase of some new dress pants (as most tragically stupid stories do). I was happy with my purchase and, in the spirit of celebration, I decided that I would actually try to look nice for work today. Basically this means that I took time to do my hair. Due to the time spent doing my hair (and ironing my new pants) I was unable to eat breakfast. (gee - this story is so exciting I can hardly stand it!)
pause for effect....
By the time my second period conference rolled around I decided that I wanted some Orange juice. But the juice in the vending machines tastes like plastic, so I decided to go out to get my juice. Which was accompanied by a breakfast burrito from Sonic. mmmMMMmmm.
Return to school
I walk into the teacher's lounge with my breakfast and sat down to make a phone call about my benefits at work (they were once again trying to screw me over....so I was in none too good of a mood). Now Im trying to make this phone call but Im not getting through so Im getting ... frustrated.
Lets take a moment to discuss the layout of the teacher's lounge. It is divided into 2 sections of desks which connect through the kitchen. Its like 3 rooms that are connected but you cant see into them except through their perspective doorways. (I can sense the excitement running through you now!)
I taste a tator tot and think to myself...."hmnmm - a bit cold...lets nuke it" So I proceed to throw the sonic bag in and I rapidly punch in 10 seconds. Im on the phone....automated voice again! But ... what was that? I hear a small "poof" noise. DING! Food is done. But the light in the microwave did not go out. And its flickering....Oh #$(*&% (expletive deleted) ITS ON FIRE! I open up the microwave to see the flames begin to rise so I do the first thing that comes to my mind, BLOW! Flames just get bigger! By this time I have thrown the reciever on the floor and I look around and spot a roll of paper towels. I wrap them around my hand and reach in to pat the flames....and boy did it take some patting!
Now this isnt the worst of it. You have to picture it in your mind. Im doing all this with the knowledge that there are other people in the adjoining rooms and I DONT want them to find out. So Im trying to keep it quiet. But Im also trying to put out a fire. And then I think - smoke - fire alarms! EMBARASSEMENT! (esp after the whole "burnt popcorn" incident of the fall) Flames are out so I slam the door to keep the smoke in. I look around. No one has come in yet. I wait. Glance over my shoulder. click click click...someone is approaching the door. They enter....go to their desk. I hear shuffling. "whats that smell" I hurredly apply "i think it is coming from outside" she walks back out. Deep breath. I pop the door of the microwave open to let a small burst of smoke out and shut it immediately. I do this for some while (pretending to be working on the computer the whole time) until I think all of the smoke is gone. I just KNOW someone is going to walk in on my and see my stupidity! But no one comes. I reach in a pull out the bag (rescuing the burrito but the tots were too far gone) I throw away all the evidence. Now to clean the microwave out. (there is ash everywhere). I blow it all into a corner. Then I wait a while, trying not to rouse suspicion. Pull the trashcan up and try to pour/wipe it all in. Lets just say that quite a bit made it on the floor. I cover the evidence in the trash with mounds of paper towel, maybe no one will notice.
Needless to say, I was successful. Of all the people in there - no one ever found out there was a fire. I covered my steps, ran to my room and as soon as that door closed I just busted out laughing! What was I thinking? I know what I was thinking "they dont use REAL aluminum foil" and "it takes longer to start a fire than 10 seconds"....I guess I was wrong!
No one knows (except for those I tell). I avoided eye contact at lunch and no one seemed to notice the pile of ashes under the microwave so hopefully, if the janitors do their job well tonight, this is as far as my moronic tale will go.
Hope you enjoyed - have a laugh at my expense!
pause for effect....
By the time my second period conference rolled around I decided that I wanted some Orange juice. But the juice in the vending machines tastes like plastic, so I decided to go out to get my juice. Which was accompanied by a breakfast burrito from Sonic. mmmMMMmmm.
Return to school
I walk into the teacher's lounge with my breakfast and sat down to make a phone call about my benefits at work (they were once again trying to screw me over....so I was in none too good of a mood). Now Im trying to make this phone call but Im not getting through so Im getting ... frustrated.
Lets take a moment to discuss the layout of the teacher's lounge. It is divided into 2 sections of desks which connect through the kitchen. Its like 3 rooms that are connected but you cant see into them except through their perspective doorways. (I can sense the excitement running through you now!)
I taste a tator tot and think to myself...."hmnmm - a bit cold...lets nuke it" So I proceed to throw the sonic bag in and I rapidly punch in 10 seconds. Im on the phone....automated voice again! But ... what was that? I hear a small "poof" noise. DING! Food is done. But the light in the microwave did not go out. And its flickering....Oh #$(*&% (expletive deleted) ITS ON FIRE! I open up the microwave to see the flames begin to rise so I do the first thing that comes to my mind, BLOW! Flames just get bigger! By this time I have thrown the reciever on the floor and I look around and spot a roll of paper towels. I wrap them around my hand and reach in to pat the flames....and boy did it take some patting!
Now this isnt the worst of it. You have to picture it in your mind. Im doing all this with the knowledge that there are other people in the adjoining rooms and I DONT want them to find out. So Im trying to keep it quiet. But Im also trying to put out a fire. And then I think - smoke - fire alarms! EMBARASSEMENT! (esp after the whole "burnt popcorn" incident of the fall) Flames are out so I slam the door to keep the smoke in. I look around. No one has come in yet. I wait. Glance over my shoulder. click click click...someone is approaching the door. They enter....go to their desk. I hear shuffling. "whats that smell" I hurredly apply "i think it is coming from outside" she walks back out. Deep breath. I pop the door of the microwave open to let a small burst of smoke out and shut it immediately. I do this for some while (pretending to be working on the computer the whole time) until I think all of the smoke is gone. I just KNOW someone is going to walk in on my and see my stupidity! But no one comes. I reach in a pull out the bag (rescuing the burrito but the tots were too far gone) I throw away all the evidence. Now to clean the microwave out. (there is ash everywhere). I blow it all into a corner. Then I wait a while, trying not to rouse suspicion. Pull the trashcan up and try to pour/wipe it all in. Lets just say that quite a bit made it on the floor. I cover the evidence in the trash with mounds of paper towel, maybe no one will notice.
Needless to say, I was successful. Of all the people in there - no one ever found out there was a fire. I covered my steps, ran to my room and as soon as that door closed I just busted out laughing! What was I thinking? I know what I was thinking "they dont use REAL aluminum foil" and "it takes longer to start a fire than 10 seconds"....I guess I was wrong!
No one knows (except for those I tell). I avoided eye contact at lunch and no one seemed to notice the pile of ashes under the microwave so hopefully, if the janitors do their job well tonight, this is as far as my moronic tale will go.
Hope you enjoyed - have a laugh at my expense!
Monday, January 24, 2005
Freakiness!!
Wow - I totally forgot what I was going to write! Except that I think it is weird that guys try to pick up girls on the internet. I mean, everytime I get on this thing someone is trying to get my digits (that is until they see my picture) and it cracks me up. I mean, really...come on...do you think you are going to find Cindy Crawford look-a-likes playing around on the internet? OF COURSE NOT! Seriously - are we that desperate that we no longer look at the people who are directly in front of us? I dont know, I just dont think I could ever do it. Scares me too much. There are a lot of weird people out there ... how do I know that HE is not one of them? Freaky.
Church was fun yesterday. My OLD friend BJ came (whom I havent seen in decades...ok months) and they boy just couldnt keep quiet. I told him he needs a shock collar and some tranquilizer pills. Good times. And Beej, if you are reading this - dont put my pic on your website....you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak!
Shanny - much love to you babe. Im sorry but remember...baby...for me..."loving you-is easy cuz your beautiful-do do do dooo do... oooOOOoooooOOoo" Nothing like a little mood music.
BTW - moon is awesome right now! So go outside and check it out. And, would anyone like to go to the planetarium with me? Im a total geek, but I love the stars! Yippee!
PAT-rice, babe Im sorry about Saturday. This just wasnt a good weekend with the SAT and all. Febuary is calling my name though. Forward me that schedule aight?! Ok. Peace Im out!
Church was fun yesterday. My OLD friend BJ came (whom I havent seen in decades...ok months) and they boy just couldnt keep quiet. I told him he needs a shock collar and some tranquilizer pills. Good times. And Beej, if you are reading this - dont put my pic on your website....you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak!
Shanny - much love to you babe. Im sorry but remember...baby...for me..."loving you-is easy cuz your beautiful-do do do dooo do... oooOOOoooooOOoo" Nothing like a little mood music.
BTW - moon is awesome right now! So go outside and check it out. And, would anyone like to go to the planetarium with me? Im a total geek, but I love the stars! Yippee!
PAT-rice, babe Im sorry about Saturday. This just wasnt a good weekend with the SAT and all. Febuary is calling my name though. Forward me that schedule aight?! Ok. Peace Im out!
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Overwhelmed
Well, I just got back from a long weekend and let me tell you -- though long, they arent always restful. I went out every night and stayed up until at least 1:00 am and slept in until at least 9:30, so when 5:00 arrived this morning I was not too happy about the whole "getting up" process.
This weekend was interesting, I had fun with my friends but I also had a very "surreal" experience with some new acquaintances. Lets just say I felt like I was back in middle school - a scary thought (though I did enjoy middle school) for a girl my age. I havent quite made up my mind as to what I should think of it all, but I do believe that I will continue to make an effort to get to know these people, hopefully things are not as they seem.
Speaking of, some people at church have been bugging me about joining the leadership. Part of me wants to, I wont deny it, but I also am afriad that it would not be a wise decision. Why? you ask? Well, it seems that since "the move" I have been less dedicated to the goings on at church (and my own spiritual life as well) and I seem to be lacking in the discipline required to undergo such responsibilities (ex. not grading until the last minute). If I decided to take this job, I could exceed expectations - or I could fall flat on my face and everyone would see what a louse I truly am. Not a good thing. But I did mention that part of me wants to as well right? Yeah. How bout that. I wonder why. Maybe it is because I feel that such a move would force my spiritual life out of its current latent state. Maybe it is because thoughts of invovling myself in said activity would serve as a spiritual (and social) high. Maybe it is because the areas involved are ones I once believed myself to be passionate (albeit inspired) about. Or maybe I just need to see that I have done something good to sate my own pride. Hmmm....why is it that I always see the worst in things. I am so afriad that my desire to do good is only a farce for the evil, underlying, prideful nature of man. Crazy. I guess I will just pray about it.
Which brings me to my epiphany. On Sunday evening during class we were discussing the origin of sin (and trying to define sin itself) and the age-old question was brought up: did God create sin? Now - dont get excited, I dont know the answer - I realized the meaning of the poem I had been vainly trying to teach to my class. It goes as follows:
"The Tyger" - William Blake
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
So what does it mean? Well the tyger is symbol/metaphor/analogy (if you will) for evil. Blake is asking God, did you create evil? The first 3 stanzas are written in a way to suggest the narrator's awe at the creation of such a beast as a tyger - how was it all done? Then he gives you the picture of it being created as a blacksmith or goldsmith would create something. Then he mentions the stars throwing down their spears (which represent when Lucifer and his minions fell from heaven) and asks: did you smile to see what you had done? Suggesting that God himself had created the evil which caused the angels to rebel. Then he says "did he would made the Lamb make thee," the Lamb being Christ. IE did the same God who created the perfection of Christ also create the abomination of sin? Then if you notice in the last stanza that the only word that is different is "could" changes to "dare" which, I believe, suggests that the narrator does not believe it was a wise idea to create such a thing as evil. I explained all of this to the class last week, more or less (interpretation thanks to the Holt Elements of Literature Teacher's Edition) but I just didnt grasp the importance of it all. Blake was just asking the age old question: Did God create sin? and if so, why? Why intentionally allow for disaster and destruction and pain? (good book to read if you have these questions: The Problem with Pain CS Lewis and Where is God When it Hurts? Phillip Yancy) Now you can answer that question for yourself, but know that it is one that has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. I believe that Blake is a little audacious in his approach, but oh well - he was probably hocked up on opium anyway.
Last note of the day - sadness prevails once again. A VERY comfortable outfit my mother got me for Christmas shrunk in the dryer. :-( Still fits, but a wee bit short if I do say so. Nighty night. Hope you enjoyed the ramblings - if you actually made it this far!
This weekend was interesting, I had fun with my friends but I also had a very "surreal" experience with some new acquaintances. Lets just say I felt like I was back in middle school - a scary thought (though I did enjoy middle school) for a girl my age. I havent quite made up my mind as to what I should think of it all, but I do believe that I will continue to make an effort to get to know these people, hopefully things are not as they seem.
Speaking of, some people at church have been bugging me about joining the leadership. Part of me wants to, I wont deny it, but I also am afriad that it would not be a wise decision. Why? you ask? Well, it seems that since "the move" I have been less dedicated to the goings on at church (and my own spiritual life as well) and I seem to be lacking in the discipline required to undergo such responsibilities (ex. not grading until the last minute). If I decided to take this job, I could exceed expectations - or I could fall flat on my face and everyone would see what a louse I truly am. Not a good thing. But I did mention that part of me wants to as well right? Yeah. How bout that. I wonder why. Maybe it is because I feel that such a move would force my spiritual life out of its current latent state. Maybe it is because thoughts of invovling myself in said activity would serve as a spiritual (and social) high. Maybe it is because the areas involved are ones I once believed myself to be passionate (albeit inspired) about. Or maybe I just need to see that I have done something good to sate my own pride. Hmmm....why is it that I always see the worst in things. I am so afriad that my desire to do good is only a farce for the evil, underlying, prideful nature of man. Crazy. I guess I will just pray about it.
Which brings me to my epiphany. On Sunday evening during class we were discussing the origin of sin (and trying to define sin itself) and the age-old question was brought up: did God create sin? Now - dont get excited, I dont know the answer - I realized the meaning of the poem I had been vainly trying to teach to my class. It goes as follows:
"The Tyger" - William Blake
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
So what does it mean? Well the tyger is symbol/metaphor/analogy (if you will) for evil. Blake is asking God, did you create evil? The first 3 stanzas are written in a way to suggest the narrator's awe at the creation of such a beast as a tyger - how was it all done? Then he gives you the picture of it being created as a blacksmith or goldsmith would create something. Then he mentions the stars throwing down their spears (which represent when Lucifer and his minions fell from heaven) and asks: did you smile to see what you had done? Suggesting that God himself had created the evil which caused the angels to rebel. Then he says "did he would made the Lamb make thee," the Lamb being Christ. IE did the same God who created the perfection of Christ also create the abomination of sin? Then if you notice in the last stanza that the only word that is different is "could" changes to "dare" which, I believe, suggests that the narrator does not believe it was a wise idea to create such a thing as evil. I explained all of this to the class last week, more or less (interpretation thanks to the Holt Elements of Literature Teacher's Edition) but I just didnt grasp the importance of it all. Blake was just asking the age old question: Did God create sin? and if so, why? Why intentionally allow for disaster and destruction and pain? (good book to read if you have these questions: The Problem with Pain CS Lewis and Where is God When it Hurts? Phillip Yancy) Now you can answer that question for yourself, but know that it is one that has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. I believe that Blake is a little audacious in his approach, but oh well - he was probably hocked up on opium anyway.
Last note of the day - sadness prevails once again. A VERY comfortable outfit my mother got me for Christmas shrunk in the dryer. :-( Still fits, but a wee bit short if I do say so. Nighty night. Hope you enjoyed the ramblings - if you actually made it this far!
Thursday, January 13, 2005
A little disturbed...
Do you ever have those days where you just feel blah?
Well it all started when my bladder told me to wake up at 4:37. Come on now! I would much rather wake up at 2 and know that I had 3 more hours of sleep, but 4:30?! And of course my dreams were all weird and psycho-ey. I was incharge of a group of kids, my girl students from school. And there was this really hot guy (and some fellow cohort males) and they were hitting on my students which really made me mad. Partly because I think they were trying to steal their "carnal treasure" and partly because they should have been flirting with me! (to avoid any confusion - the guys werent student-age...that would just be gross!) I was trying to get them all to go to bed (without the boys) because we had to get up early the next day - but noOOOooo.
Anyhow - I wake up and get ready and go to school and find that I am super-tired! Class went alright - until 2 of my kids decided to "fake faint" in the middle of the classroom because they didnt want to have to answer the questions to the story. Yeah - I just asked them if they could please refrain from that type of behavior when my boss comes in to observe me. They are adorable - but sometimes! Little goobers. Then I had my conference period, and almost fell asleep at my desk! Thats crazy! I didnt get my grading finished - and I wasted a foolishly large amount of time looking at pictures of my favorite hot movie stars online (thats when I KNOW Im lonely!) And just to clear things up from before, I am not lonely often. And my "lonliness" does not really monopolize my thoughts - its just when things calm down and I am not busy - then I think about it. And it typically only happens after I meet someone who I think is terrific and actually fits the criteria I have laid out for my possible future boyfriend. And that doesnt happen often (Im so picky! :-) )
And to top this all off, one of my students is leaving the country and going back home (hes an exchange student) partly because he failed my class (but he only failed because he had pretty much given up on being here). I feel bad that he left, he only had a few months left to stick it out. I just wish I could have gotten to know him a little more or at least that he could have gotten to know me better so that he would have seen Christ in me (he transferred in late and I dont know if he ever really understood what was going on in class). Anyway - it is always sad to see someone give up. He was given a raw deal when he got here (much like I was given when I moved) and after it built up for a few months, he just decided to turn the towel in. I hope he lives a good life and is able to see God around him and come to accept Christ as his savior. The students I have all year I know will eventually see a little of that in me (even though I am not allowed to voice it outright) and that gives me some encouragement.
Lastly, at the end of the day, I found out that a teacher (one who I thought was real hot but happily married) supposedly was fired for messing around with one of my students. I dont know what to believe. All of the girls are mad at her, partly because they dont want to see him go, and partly because they most likely believe it did happen-with her and not them (they all thought he was hot). I feel bad for the girl because everyone is saying she spread this rumor to get back at him for getting her in trouble (which means the kids wont like her) and partly because if it is true then boy has she made a mess of things. She already has rocky relations with her family and boyfriend. Something like that just tends to dampen the day. I feel bad for him, if it is true, well then hes screwed, and if it isnt true - he is still screwed because as far as the media is concerned, lets slander someone's name as much as we want (esp teachers) but when everything dies down and the case is proven false, fat chance on them making a public apology. Once your name is smeared in mud - it will always be muddy. So anyway - that was my day.
Oh and by the way. I had decided to go to dinner with the family and bring my folks along as well (if they wanted to go) but the family ended up coming up with excuse after excuse and so it turns out I will not see them. So of course my insecure side asks, "were they just excuses because they didnt want to see me?" or "did they really want to see me but things didnt work out?" Hmmmm....I know - you dont have to tell me - quit thinking about it and go on with your life.....Ok
Well it all started when my bladder told me to wake up at 4:37. Come on now! I would much rather wake up at 2 and know that I had 3 more hours of sleep, but 4:30?! And of course my dreams were all weird and psycho-ey. I was incharge of a group of kids, my girl students from school. And there was this really hot guy (and some fellow cohort males) and they were hitting on my students which really made me mad. Partly because I think they were trying to steal their "carnal treasure" and partly because they should have been flirting with me! (to avoid any confusion - the guys werent student-age...that would just be gross!) I was trying to get them all to go to bed (without the boys) because we had to get up early the next day - but noOOOooo.
Anyhow - I wake up and get ready and go to school and find that I am super-tired! Class went alright - until 2 of my kids decided to "fake faint" in the middle of the classroom because they didnt want to have to answer the questions to the story. Yeah - I just asked them if they could please refrain from that type of behavior when my boss comes in to observe me. They are adorable - but sometimes! Little goobers. Then I had my conference period, and almost fell asleep at my desk! Thats crazy! I didnt get my grading finished - and I wasted a foolishly large amount of time looking at pictures of my favorite hot movie stars online (thats when I KNOW Im lonely!) And just to clear things up from before, I am not lonely often. And my "lonliness" does not really monopolize my thoughts - its just when things calm down and I am not busy - then I think about it. And it typically only happens after I meet someone who I think is terrific and actually fits the criteria I have laid out for my possible future boyfriend. And that doesnt happen often (Im so picky! :-) )
And to top this all off, one of my students is leaving the country and going back home (hes an exchange student) partly because he failed my class (but he only failed because he had pretty much given up on being here). I feel bad that he left, he only had a few months left to stick it out. I just wish I could have gotten to know him a little more or at least that he could have gotten to know me better so that he would have seen Christ in me (he transferred in late and I dont know if he ever really understood what was going on in class). Anyway - it is always sad to see someone give up. He was given a raw deal when he got here (much like I was given when I moved) and after it built up for a few months, he just decided to turn the towel in. I hope he lives a good life and is able to see God around him and come to accept Christ as his savior. The students I have all year I know will eventually see a little of that in me (even though I am not allowed to voice it outright) and that gives me some encouragement.
Lastly, at the end of the day, I found out that a teacher (one who I thought was real hot but happily married) supposedly was fired for messing around with one of my students. I dont know what to believe. All of the girls are mad at her, partly because they dont want to see him go, and partly because they most likely believe it did happen-with her and not them (they all thought he was hot). I feel bad for the girl because everyone is saying she spread this rumor to get back at him for getting her in trouble (which means the kids wont like her) and partly because if it is true then boy has she made a mess of things. She already has rocky relations with her family and boyfriend. Something like that just tends to dampen the day. I feel bad for him, if it is true, well then hes screwed, and if it isnt true - he is still screwed because as far as the media is concerned, lets slander someone's name as much as we want (esp teachers) but when everything dies down and the case is proven false, fat chance on them making a public apology. Once your name is smeared in mud - it will always be muddy. So anyway - that was my day.
Oh and by the way. I had decided to go to dinner with the family and bring my folks along as well (if they wanted to go) but the family ended up coming up with excuse after excuse and so it turns out I will not see them. So of course my insecure side asks, "were they just excuses because they didnt want to see me?" or "did they really want to see me but things didnt work out?" Hmmmm....I know - you dont have to tell me - quit thinking about it and go on with your life.....Ok
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Hi, I'm Cletus
Today was alright, students misbehaved a little, but just talking too much - no fights or major incidents :-) No-they are good kids, but I might need to make some adjustments on the seating chart. Life, I guess is pretty good. I think I am going to start going to church on Sunday nights, that should be fun. I liked the setup and all - but I did get a little bored. I really need to do something to get more involved, if the "me" 10 years ago could only see me now! She'd kick my butt back in shape. Hmmmm....10 years ago. Wow-I was 14. 8th grade I think. That was a good year, when I started hanging out with my good buddy Pearl. There was a whole group of us girls, and we used to have parties all the time, thematic ones at that! Boy did we have a good time. And I was obsessed with Gareth Beaty. He had the most beautiful blue eyes! I hope he's doing alright now, I got kinda worried about him in high school. Oh well. Speaking of the not-so-fair sex, Im getting a little lonely lately. I get this way every couple of months, but typically it only lasts for a few days. So weekend hurry on up! But seriously, one of my students - red head like myself - made the joking comment today "what boy would like me?" And I felt so awful for her, and for females as a whole. I see so many of my friends beat themselves down because they are single or have bad luck in relationships, and then this young girl was just at the beginning of it. Why all the fuss? I just dont get it. Why cant we be happy the way we are? For the most part we are, at least I am. I am happy with my life style. I like the freedom. But at times, it would just be really nice to feel truly treasured. Hmmm...mushy crap. Anyhow - back to the real world. Not much to say about that I guess today, just that I wish there were more hours in the day - so I could work, sleep, come home and get MY stuff done, sleep some more, relax, go to bed, get up and start all over again :-) Now doesnt that just sound like Heaven? MMMMMM.......Signing off!
Monday, January 10, 2005
The Phantom of MY opera ;-)
So, for the ten-thousandth time I am listening to my soundtrack for Phantom and can I just say - I love it! I want to be a professional opera singer when I grow up ;-) har har har. (Gerard Butler is soooo hot)
School was ok today - as I drove up all of the lights were off - but then they turned on.....it was sad. I had almost peed my pants for joy because I thought "SNOW DAY!" Without the snow of course. Due to the power surge I could not access my email or the power point I had created for today's lesson - and I was so proud of myself for making it too :-( Bummer. Oh well. I really need to go and grade (my new year's resolution - to not get behind) So Im out!
School was ok today - as I drove up all of the lights were off - but then they turned on.....it was sad. I had almost peed my pants for joy because I thought "SNOW DAY!" Without the snow of course. Due to the power surge I could not access my email or the power point I had created for today's lesson - and I was so proud of myself for making it too :-( Bummer. Oh well. I really need to go and grade (my new year's resolution - to not get behind) So Im out!
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Decisions
So I really dont know about having dinner with that family - I am so afraid to see them again just because I dont know what to do or say. I did find out that they didnt wait too long, so that was good. (although they did do a turn around) Oh well. Other topics
Church was really good tonight. The pastor, who I will now refer to as Shaggy, spoke about how we are not to let the law define us/restrain us. This is something that I often get caught up in. When we die to sin we also die to the law, (ok - before I babble on let me look at my notes).....ok Basically he said that we can be a slave to the law just as we are to sin (ex. prodigal son's older brother). The law sets perameters for us - but we seem to see them as fences that keep us in - God's grace and the desire/love/passion that he fills us with gives us freedom from the "law", but in that freedom we desire to do things that are within the law...meaning instead of feeling we HAVE TO do something, we WANT TO. He also said that "salvation does not come from the law". So often I think of how I keep the law and I wonder why my life is the way it is - I use it as a judgement of my spiritual "goodness", but that isn't it at all. Only God can save me, not what I do. This is something I know - but it is very easy to get back into the "following the rules" bit. I also liked how he said that Paul asked the same questions as we do - how come if we are dead to sin we still commit sin? And he encouraged us by saying that it is because though we die to sin - sin itself does not die and will not go down without a fight. Though we struggle we can still say that THAT person, is not us, we are defined by God and not our mistakes. So often I get down on myself because I think - how could I be so un-Christ-like? Im so not worthy (as if I ever were) and I wonder why I keep learning the same lessons over and over again - when this happens I feel almost like giving up - like it is pointless, but thats NOT me. Sin will try to get me down - but I am defined by the one who created me - not the world around me. It's encouraging (though it probably came out all wrong). Oh well - on to my tv shows.
Church was really good tonight. The pastor, who I will now refer to as Shaggy, spoke about how we are not to let the law define us/restrain us. This is something that I often get caught up in. When we die to sin we also die to the law, (ok - before I babble on let me look at my notes).....ok Basically he said that we can be a slave to the law just as we are to sin (ex. prodigal son's older brother). The law sets perameters for us - but we seem to see them as fences that keep us in - God's grace and the desire/love/passion that he fills us with gives us freedom from the "law", but in that freedom we desire to do things that are within the law...meaning instead of feeling we HAVE TO do something, we WANT TO. He also said that "salvation does not come from the law". So often I think of how I keep the law and I wonder why my life is the way it is - I use it as a judgement of my spiritual "goodness", but that isn't it at all. Only God can save me, not what I do. This is something I know - but it is very easy to get back into the "following the rules" bit. I also liked how he said that Paul asked the same questions as we do - how come if we are dead to sin we still commit sin? And he encouraged us by saying that it is because though we die to sin - sin itself does not die and will not go down without a fight. Though we struggle we can still say that THAT person, is not us, we are defined by God and not our mistakes. So often I get down on myself because I think - how could I be so un-Christ-like? Im so not worthy (as if I ever were) and I wonder why I keep learning the same lessons over and over again - when this happens I feel almost like giving up - like it is pointless, but thats NOT me. Sin will try to get me down - but I am defined by the one who created me - not the world around me. It's encouraging (though it probably came out all wrong). Oh well - on to my tv shows.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Another day another nap...
After a wonderful dinner last night with a spectacular family - I came home, went to bed and...woke up at 12:30 p.m. I didn't even realize I was that tired! Just goes to show that it has been a long, hard, stressful week (even though school didn't start until Wednesday). It's amazing how I can convince myself that life is perfectly normal, then the weekend comes and its like Im hit by a semi-truck and its "lights out" until Sunday.
About dinner, I met with Kelly's family from Costa Rica at El Fenix over in Lewisville (got lost for 30 min because you cant see the sign from the highway). I absolutely love this family, and I cant wait for Heaven - because I am sure it will be much less awkward with them there. Awkward? Why awkward you ask? Well, first of all - they werent even my family - I just came over all the time because I thought they were amazing and Kelly was my friend. Secondly, everyone was speaking Spanish and my spanish totally sucks now! I couldnt say anything without looking like a total freak! Plus I dont really know if they even like me because - well why should they? I barely knew them! They just made such a huge impact on me that I constantly want to be around them. At dinner their daughter and her husband were there (whom I have only met once) and 2 of their sons were there (Eto I saw 2 summers ago but I hadnt seen Fon since LASP in 2001) and I absolutely love their sons - but I hardly spoke to them at all because Im a dork. Then they invited me over for dinner sometime this week - but I dont know if I will go. I need to think up a good excuse. Im just too embarrassed to be around them. I feel so awkward. I would love to just sit there and enjoy them - but when I have to speak I feel so stupid and .... well awkward (word of the day I guess - scream every time you read it - just like Pee Wee Herman) AGHHHH! Plus they invited my parents, and this is terrible of me - but I think I would be embarrassed to bring them over. My folks are so goofy - Im afraid they would do something terribly "american" and just ruin it all. Actually more than that - I know it would just be awkward (aghhhhhh!) since they speak no spanish at all. SO - now you see how petty I am lets switch topics.
I watched Lord of the Rings today - just the second DVD of the last movie - I love those movies. They are the greatest movies ever made. Sorry Star Wars - I love you too - but LOTR totally takes the cake. mmmm....cake.....
I forgot today was Elvis' birthday - someone needs to kick me out of the fan club - I dont deserve to be called a fan b/c I forgot a day so important as today....
mmmm - still thinking about cake
Ok - I guess I will go now - peace out world
P.S. My New Year's resolution is to get my grading done ahead of time.....keep me accountable everyone!
About dinner, I met with Kelly's family from Costa Rica at El Fenix over in Lewisville (got lost for 30 min because you cant see the sign from the highway). I absolutely love this family, and I cant wait for Heaven - because I am sure it will be much less awkward with them there. Awkward? Why awkward you ask? Well, first of all - they werent even my family - I just came over all the time because I thought they were amazing and Kelly was my friend. Secondly, everyone was speaking Spanish and my spanish totally sucks now! I couldnt say anything without looking like a total freak! Plus I dont really know if they even like me because - well why should they? I barely knew them! They just made such a huge impact on me that I constantly want to be around them. At dinner their daughter and her husband were there (whom I have only met once) and 2 of their sons were there (Eto I saw 2 summers ago but I hadnt seen Fon since LASP in 2001) and I absolutely love their sons - but I hardly spoke to them at all because Im a dork. Then they invited me over for dinner sometime this week - but I dont know if I will go. I need to think up a good excuse. Im just too embarrassed to be around them. I feel so awkward. I would love to just sit there and enjoy them - but when I have to speak I feel so stupid and .... well awkward (word of the day I guess - scream every time you read it - just like Pee Wee Herman) AGHHHH! Plus they invited my parents, and this is terrible of me - but I think I would be embarrassed to bring them over. My folks are so goofy - Im afraid they would do something terribly "american" and just ruin it all. Actually more than that - I know it would just be awkward (aghhhhhh!) since they speak no spanish at all. SO - now you see how petty I am lets switch topics.
I watched Lord of the Rings today - just the second DVD of the last movie - I love those movies. They are the greatest movies ever made. Sorry Star Wars - I love you too - but LOTR totally takes the cake. mmmm....cake.....
I forgot today was Elvis' birthday - someone needs to kick me out of the fan club - I dont deserve to be called a fan b/c I forgot a day so important as today....
mmmm - still thinking about cake
Ok - I guess I will go now - peace out world
P.S. My New Year's resolution is to get my grading done ahead of time.....keep me accountable everyone!
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