Conflicting Feelings

The sickening feeling in my stomach has only increased since the moment I walked into this room at 9:00am this morning. This must be the physical manifestation of the word "dread." The scary things is that I'm not exactly sure to which decision this dread can be attributed. I do know that though I am ready (and even willing) to work on school stuff, the passion and/or excitement over my subject area has diminished greatly, if not vanished completely. I feel the need to work hard and fast to prepare for my replacement, but cannot discern whether or not I have internally decided what that replacement will be needed. A part of me feels that if I provide a "sub plan" it will lessen the anger or resentment that those I leave behind will feel towards me. But then I realize that all of what that part of me is feeling is based on my immediate departure. Have I made that decision? It certainly was not my original intention, nor did I seriously consider it during my tour of the facilities last week. And now I'm questioning my motivation. I mean, is this really what I want to do? And why? And what on Earth is God's will in all of this? I've already laid down the criterion that I will not make this move unless it is made absolutely clear to me that I am supposed to do so. And now, halfway through the afternoon, all I can think of or feel is that I don't want to be here or continue to do this. And I'm in a room full of people describing how hard and draining our job is. Do I see myself doing this for the next 30 years? Or, much less, the next year? And does my conflict stem from my lack of passion or my abhorrence of constantly draining work? And why even consider this change when I know that the life I would be choosing will be ten times more difficult that anything I have experienced thus far. I feel an urgency to express my feelings to someone because I feel like I desperately need someone to "talk me down." I want a logical and rational explanation to all of this accompanied by a logical and rational final decision as to what I should do.